Monday, February 13, 2012

Whats Up With All the Commercials About Poop?

Okay, I know this is NOT a pleasant topic, but when my young son is also moved to comment on it, I know I need to vent.  Here's my issue:  lately, every commercial on television is all about poop.  Crap, toilet paper, how often we crap, how easily....suddenly that's all there ever seems to be on the small screen.

Personally, I have had it up to here with it.  I am MORE than offended by the myriad of ads marching past me where they think they can be cute or informational and I won't notice we are talking about shit.  I mean, how dumb does the advertising industry think we are?  Even my kids know the cartoon bears with "pieces left behind" is really about wiping your butt.

And how about the yogurt that allegedly "gets you regular"?  Isn't that just a nice way to say it makes you crap more often?  And seriously, Ms. Curtis, I hope they are paying you, you'll excuse the expression, an ass-load of money to hawk this friggin' product.  I'm so embarrassed for the Scream Queen.  Are Depends next?

Have you seen the diaper commercial where cartoon babies are in a contest for who can load their diapers the fullest?  No, it's true.  They turn around, squeeze hard in some kind of crap-concentration, and blow ass into their seat-covers.  The diapers blow up like balloons with their load. And the cartoon crowd cheers for the fullest pamper.  I am NOT making this up.

As I sit here blogging, another commercial comes on in this same vein.  This one features a group of women we are to assume are lovely, kind, reasonable consumers who have spent this lifetime searching for a toilet paper that does the job, because "it's about feeling clean."  Really?  Are you kidding me?  How low have we actually sunk to make advertisers think this is acceptable.

I can take the tampon commercials, and the feminine hygiene products, because they never pretend to be something they're not.  One even makes fun of itself.  But these shit-happy, diaper-loading, butt-wiping commercials just, ahem, chap my ass.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.  Now, please excuse me while I "visit the facilities".  And if any advertisers want to know why I bought the brand of toilet paper I have now, let me tell you, it really only comes down to one thing: texture.  Make one as soft as my down comforter and I am THERE!


  1. "As a spice, I find it to be.....under-utilized."

    "Mmmm. Nutmeg."

    Okay, this ad is brilliant. Not in the least gross, obtrusive or obtuse. Thanks for reminding me!

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  3. I always said that most advertising was full of shit. Turns out I was right. Incidentally, if you have a yearning for even more poop tales, as told by moms not advertisers, check out my friend Amanda E Johnson's book, Mommies' Priceless Moments. Thar be poop and much more besides!

  4. ROTFLMAOOOOO!!! Oh, Samantha, you almost made me... ahem! Oooookay! But what about Viagra? WHY do we have those?? The Baby Boomers are doomed, I tell ya. If it isn't one "end" it's the front side. Heaven save us!!

    But I have to agree with Kay. That NUTMEG commercial is priceless. ;-D Subtlety. That's the key.

  5. Alas, "subtlety" is a word unfamiliar to the advertising icons. And for the record, every single commercial during the Super Bowl sucked, except for the vampire one. That one was pretty genius too.