Monday, May 21, 2012

Everything Happens for a Reason -or- How Samantha Got Her Zen Back

You know me.  Or, at least you know most things about me; I'm not the philosophical type.  At least, I didn't think I was.  This latest move has taken me to a kind of zen place about my actual place in the world.  More than once over the last few days, I have heard myself utter this little cliche: everything happens for a reason.  It may sound pithy, but the phrase has accompanied me through anger, denial, acceptance, and all the other things.  But, here's what you need to know.  No person died; a house did.  Or rather, my home did.

See, I attach to things really fast.  I've always named my cars, I get immediate vibes about the "liveability" of a house, and I am unnaturally drawn to my laptop.  A key broke, it will cost $175 to repair, and yes, I am considering it.  So, the last house, I REALLY attached to it.  It wasn't perfect, but it was down the street from the kids' school, it was central to a part of town we really love, and there was a super great breakfast place just blocks away that do amazing things with a feta and artichoke omelet.  While I lived there, I never thought I could find a better place.  Then, it turned out I had to.

You've been following the blog, so you know the searching was really intensive.  At the end there were two places I liked, both in the price range, the right area and the right school district.  A decision had to be made, and I had to make it.  Now, I don't come naturally to change.  Some people embrace it, and go willingly and joyfully into that unknown good night.  My brother is one of those people and I envy him fiercely for his ability to just go with the flow.  He never frets about anything.  He just lets life happen.  He tells me that wherever I am, that's where I'm supposed to be.  In the past I have looked at him like he just threw up on me and quickly consulted my Blackberry to see what I'm supposed to be doing or where I should be going.

But recent changes in my life have caused me to reevaluate the way I operate.  Unemployment, a cancer scare, and uncontrolled upheaval has given me a new perspective.  I thought, what better time to put my new attitude into play than now, in the Big House Decision.

So, I did nothing.  It about killed me, but I did nothing.  And I shit you not, where I sit typing this, is exactly where I am goddamn supposed to be.  This house is great.  This house chose me, it loves me and I can see me loving it back. There is a peacefulness and zen calm about it.  So what if boxes are all over the place?  Who cares?  I'll get to them.  I haven't written any stories yet, but the notepad on my iphone is filling up.  So many ideas are flooding me.  I feel like I am doing the virtual equivalent of rubbing my hands together in perverse anticipation of the gush of words waiting to let fly.  And I have no doubt that they will.

I let life happen and surprisingly wonderful things happened in return.  My kids found great friends across the street, who will go to the same school as them, and their parents don't have third eyes or anything.  My Mum came and loved the place.  And more stunning, I have slept here three nights now and not awakened once during the night, something I always have done, most of my life.  I just go to sleep and wake up in the morning.  What a concept!

I have always had a personal motto of: That which does not kill me, only makes me stronger.  Then, in a more literary sense, I adopted a new motto: Write, publish, and be informed.  This one was born of my low-down dirty dealings with The Publisher Who Shall Remain Nameless.  Now, I have a new one:  It is what it is.  In other words, wherever I am, that's where I'm supposed to be.  And tonight, I am home.

What's your personal motto?


  1. Congrats on enjoying your house move...Very Zen! :)
    Hmm, I have a few mottos, but while we're in Zen mode, I like this unhappy man said to the Buddha, 'I want happiness.'
    The Buddha replied, 'Take out the 'want', then take out the 'I' and you're left with...'

    So, my motto: Be Happy :)

  2. I recall reading a book on Bushido which included the quote: Virtues are no less contagious than vices. And elsewhere, in the middle of a meditation session: If it was easy, you'd be bored!

  3. Mine is from Ghandi: Be the change you want to see in the world.

  4. I quite enjoyed your post. I'm the type who loves change, but I understand that many people stress over it, and I admire your ability to overcome your fears. One of my mottos is "This, too, shall pass." It's the only thing that keeps me sane at times.

  5. Glad to know you are happy and at peace, Samantha. There's nothing better in this world.

  6. Thanks for all the lovely comments. I'll share the favorite one of my Mum's (she has a lot!)
    Nothing is permanent. Meaning there is truly nothing that can't be undone, in some fashion, and you have the right to change your mind any time you want to.

  7. Like you Samantha, I find change difficult, so it was a surprise to me when the same quote Sharon mentions stuck but in a slightly different way
    also attributed to Ghandi (and probably the result of a chain of whispers) 'If you want change, you must be that change.'

    People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
    When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

    LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life.....

    1. Sherry, this was amazing to read. I'm so grateful to the circumstances that brought me to facebook (losing my job, a health scare, and great testing to my relationships), and you are one of the wonderful people who has come into my life, as a result. A reason, a season, or a lifetime, I don't care...I'll take it. Thanks for your friendship, Sherry!